I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
