the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
