If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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