The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
