Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The uberlube is also flammable
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
