You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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