I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
