Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
