i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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