hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
