If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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