Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize