I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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