So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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