My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
