Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize