Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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