I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
