i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
