wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
