Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
