In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
