somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
