8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
