Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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