I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
