why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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