better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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