I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
