She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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