apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize