I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Welp...herpes.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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