I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
