I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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