y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize