Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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