shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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