Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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