her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
