So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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