Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
