Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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