fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
