You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
