Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
