I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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