Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
