I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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