My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize