i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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