There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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