I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
