Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
