I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
