she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
