It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
