the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You pole danced in your parka.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
