My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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