You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Two words: nipple clamps
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