my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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