i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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