well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
