There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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