I think my vagina is haunted
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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