The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
